Randoms

A few things that caught my attention…

random 23aApparently, this is enough of a problem that it requires a tasteful, framed sign in the restroom.

I wanted to investigate this “sink riding” on the interwebs, but my “what has been seen cannot be unseen” fear took over…

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random 24aOh, don’t mind me. I’ll just be over in the corner, whimpering in the fetal position…

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random 26aHoly hell! This one’s gonna haunt me in my sleep.

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random 28aI’m pretty sure this is a poodle with a boner. He might be bending at the knee, but…my vote is boner. You decide.

And, yes…this post has been tagged with the word “boner”.

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Have a great weekend, y’all! 🙂

M.

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Bora Bora – part two of four

How about more crazy wonderful Bora Bora?

If you missed part one, head on over to Bora Bora – part one of four!

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pearl beach 8This is the lagoon that surrounds the resort’s amazing Manea Spa.

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pearl beach 9This is an outdoor dual treatment area for water massages. I’ve never had an interest in being massaged by water until I saw this. Because…awesome.

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The spa also has a Polynesian dude tattoo artist on staff! Hmmm…I might have to do something with this information…

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pearl beach 14Time for dinner in Tevairoa Restaurant and a great Polynesian dance show. I need to have one of these in my living room every night!

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pearl beach 15My delightful dining companion. I call him Gerald. Ooohhh, girl…I think he’s former military!

(Later that night, I told Gerald I didn’t like him like that. He was crushed.)

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dancersThe dancers were excellent!

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pearl beach 16The evening view from my deck did NOT suck.

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pearl beach 17My fruit plate stowaway, Percy. He was charming AND handsome.

A later evening update: Brandon at the front desk was so terribly patient. I begged him to come and get my fruit plate. Mind you, it’s a good 10 minute walk down a couple of long piers to get to my room. It seems that my arrival fruit plate (which I wrapped back up in cellophane, not knowing) contained a surprise. A white lizard…I called him Percy. Poor Brandon appeased me and took the plate to set Percy free on land. Yep. Brandon definitely thought I was kookoo bananas and poor Percy probably got a swift kick into the water as soon as he left my room.

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pearl beach 18

Morning coffee table fish feeding time starts now!

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On the agenda today: a lagoon tour and snorkeling excursion with Patrick Tairua, the owner of Maohi Nui and a Polynesian luncheon feast on his family motu. I just learned that a motu is a private island and I’m very excited. And, I’m not entirely against a good snorkeling…so, whee!

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patrick's tour 1Heading out on Patrick’s outrigger for adventure time!

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patrick's tour 2This is the hunky Polynesian Patrick. He’s an awesome bad ass. And, a gentleman. He played the ukulele and sang super sweet islandy stuff to us.

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patrick's tour 3Swimming with sharks in ridiculously blue water…

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patrick's tour 5This is me being felt up by a particularly randy sting ray. Don’t worry, I made him buy me dinner first.

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patrick's tour 6This bird was a little on the smug side with his living in paradise and cruising along the ocean on an outrigger without a care in the world attitude.

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patrick's tour 10

Time to stop at Patrick’s family motu for lunch! Our table sat in the crystal clear waters of the lagoon. 🙂

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patrick's tour 11

Oh, don’t mind us…we just get to sit on our asses in the lagoon while we wait for lunch to be served.

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patrick's tour 7Time to unveil the unbelievable lunch feast that Patrick’s nieces and nephews cooked for us!

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patrick's tour 8Oooooohhhhhh!

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patrick's tour 9

Suckling pig, chicken and taro, bread fruit, tapioca root, plantains, pumpkin vanilla poi…it smelled soooo good!

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patrick's tour 12Fresh pineapple (like none you’ve ever had), pumpkin vanilla poi (not like Hawaiian poi at all – I could have eaten the whole tray), poisson cru (a killer raw fish salad with coconut milk that I ate EVERY DAY), chicken & taro and suckling pig. All served on palm frond and taro leaf plates. Holy crap, that food was delicious!

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patrick's tour 13These nifty little buggers swam around our legs while we had lunch. We got to feed them leftovers when we were finished. Fishes love pork fat.

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patrick and m 1This man right here is the fricken’ bomb diggity. You MUST meet him.

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patrick's tour 14He also has cool tattoos and wears a thong sarong. Woot!

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patrick and his niecePatrick and his grandniece. Damn, she was cute!

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patrick's tour 15This little man was sacked OUT! He must have worked hard on our lunch.

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pearl beach 19Back to the resort to hang by the pool. Life is rough.

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pearl beach 20Time for more food. And, more flowers!

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pearl beach 21A night view from the beach to end our day…

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bora 4a

The resort just sent me four neato vials of different Tahitian wines and a vial of Tahitian sand. I shall do my best to not mix them up when throwing back a vial or two.

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I hope you’re still enjoying the Bora Bora journey…please head on over to Bora Bora – part three of four!

M.

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Bora Bora – part one of four

I was given the unbelievably fortunate opportunity to attend a FAM (familiarization trip) with a great group of event managers to Bora Bora. Our crazy awesome adventure was hosted by the outstanding Bora Bora Pearl Beach Resort & Spa, The Leading Hotels of the World and Air Tahiti Nui Airlines.

Because I took SO MANY pictures, I’ll be splitting this trip into four separate posts over the next few weeks.

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Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

bora bora on world map

This is where Bora Bora is on the planet…kinda sorta between Los Angeles and Sydney.

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french polynesian islands

To get to Bora Bora, you need to fly into Papeete Airport in Tahiti first. From Los Angeles, that’ll take roughly 8.5 hours. From Sydney, that’ll take roughly 8 hours. Once you reach Tahiti, you’ll either need to stay overnight (if your flight arrives in the evening) and fly to Bora Bora the next morning, or…if you take a red-eye flight and arrive in Tahiti in the morning, you can fly straight to Bora Bora that same day.

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We flew into Tahiti from Los Angeles on the outstanding Air Tahiti Nui Airlines. Upon boarding the plane, all passengers were given a beautiful Tiare flower, native to French Polynesia. It smelled amazing and I may have sniffed it frequently for the next 8.5 hours…

tiare flower

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Once in Tahiti, we stayed for a quick overnight at the Bora Bora Pearl Beach Resort & Spa’s sister property, the Manava Suite Resort Tahiti.

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manava tahiti 1The view from a suite at the Manava…overlooking the infinity pool and the amazing water.

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manava tahiti 2These are party houseboats…just move them wherever the party needs to be. How cool is that??

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manava tahiti 3Heh. They said douche.

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manava tahiti 4The swim-up infinity pool. Somebody make me a drink, dammit!

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Now, to the Tahiti Faa’a International Airport for our flight to Bora Bora!

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tahiti airportFrench condom machine…seems classier somehow.

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bora bora 1Almost to Bora Bora! Squeeee!

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bora bora 2Best deplaning experience ever. Even the airport has a killer view!

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bora bora 3This is the public bathroom at the Bora Bora airport…fresh flowers everywhere. I really need to step up my bathroom decor! 

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bora bora 4They picked us up at the airport in a boat and gave me a ginormous coconut to drink…woot!

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bora bora 5A little music for the ride…as the handsome General Manager of our resort looks on. He greeted us at the airport like we were fancy or something!

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bora-bora-hotel-map

We headed to the Bora Bora Pearl Beach Resort & Spa, located on Moto Tevairoa, a mere 10 minute boat ride from the airport!

.pearl beach 1Almost there!!

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The Bora Bora Pearl Beach Resort & Spa is a part of The Leading Hotels of the World collection and it’s truly stunning!

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pearl beach 25

THIS WAS MY ROOM, PEOPLE. Whaaat?

(this is classified as one of their Overwater Bungalows)

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pearl beach 5

The interior was silly awesome too. Wonderful island music playing…ahhh.

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pearl beach 2LOOK AT MY BED. JUST LOOK AT IT. Fresh flowers everywhere!

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pearl beach 6

You can’t see it, but there’s water under those glass panels…so’s I could watch the fish while I brushed my teeth, obviously.

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pearl beach 3

My friggin’ coffee table had a coral nursery under it. Doesn’t everyone’s?

And, my room key was an actual key…with an abalone shell attached to the chain. I loved it.

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pearl beach 13

Yes. It’s a fish feeding retractable coffee table. Whaat??

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pearl beach 10My deck was ridonkulous.

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pearl beach 11

My shower for washing off salt water from lagoon excursions off of my deck. Like I do.

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pearl beach 12

Just step right down into the 4′ deep water to check out the coral nursery and tons of fish!

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pearl beach 7

The first of many, many tropical beverages decorated with many, many fresh flowers. 🙂

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I hope you’re enjoying the Bora Bora journey so far…please head on over to Bora Bora – part two of four!

M.

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Welcome to Dorktastic Adventures!

Greetings and salutations, Everyone!

Welcome to my brand new, goofy blog! I hope to fill it with lots of entertaining crap.

Please take a look at the “About” page for some clarity on the sheer joy that Dorktastic Adventures will bring to your life, you lucky blog reader-type person.

Thank you!

M.
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