Bora Bora – part three of four

Posted on August 20, 2013 by dorktasticadventures

More with the Bora Bora! 🙂

If you missed part two, head on over to Bora Bora – part two of four!

Headed out today on a reef discovery tour with a hunky Frenchman named Christophe Poch (don’t worry, you’ll see him later), of Reef Discovery Bora Bora. I approve of the island’s steady supply of hunky tour guys.

First, a quick stop to take a peek at the World Famous Bloody Mary’s.

I think I could hang out here…

Ok, yes. I could definitely hang out here. With a frosty fruity beverage.

Sweet hairdo, Sir! And, I don’t care what they say, your tongue is not creepy at all.

Famous guests.

(I’m really hoping that Charlie Sheen and Senator John McCain got drunk together one night on Pina Coladas and Chi-Chis)

Moar famous guests!

(I’m surprised that they hadn’t painted my name in by the time we left…sheesh!)

Apologies for the terrible picture, but we fed bread to a crap ton of beautiful fish.

Apologies for another terrible picture, but we fed bread to a crap ton of beautiful fish.

Finally a decent picture of the awesome fish…stolen from one of my colleagues.

Christophe coaxed a moray eel out of his cave for a little snack. Holy crap!

JUST LOOK AT IT.

Now, JUST LOOK AT CHRISTOPHE. He was so unattractive, y’all…I just felt sorry for him. And, the French accent…it was just so not sexy at all.

Not swooning…not…swooning.

All joking (or not joking?) aside…Christophe was an excellent tour guide. We saw so much cool stuff and we learned things too! I can’t remember any of them while staring at this picture, but…

My highly intellectual summary:

Today, with Christophe the hunky Frenchman (tan, charming, hot, had a big motorboat and even knew stuff about fish!) on our Reef Discovery Tour, we saw the most amazing coral reefs, swam for a good ten minutes with a 6′ wide manta ray (he looked like a space ship and had TWO penises), fed about a bazillion brilliant colored fish and hung out with a humongous 6′-7′ moray eel that reminded me of that space worm that eats star fighters in Star Wars. Bad assery all around.

Fruity tropical drink with a side shot of fruity tropical drink. With more flowers!

A rare clear shot of the top of the mountain!

(there’s almost always some cloud cover)

Man. This resort really does NOT suck.

Oh, my wonderful hut…you just get me. I think we should be together forever!

This view NEVER gets old, dammit.

I hope you’re still enjoying the Bora Bora journey…please head on over to Bora Bora – part four of four!

Bora Bora – part two of four

Posted on August 14, 2013 by dorktasticadventures

How about more crazy wonderful Bora Bora?

If you missed part one, head on over to Bora Bora – part one of four!

This is the lagoon that surrounds the resort’s amazing Manea Spa.

This is an outdoor dual treatment area for water massages. I’ve never had an interest in being massaged by water until I saw this. Because…awesome.

The spa also has a Polynesian dude tattoo artist on staff! Hmmm…I might have to do something with this information…

Time for dinner in Tevairoa Restaurant and a great Polynesian dance show. I need to have one of these in my living room every night!

My delightful dining companion. I call him Gerald. Ooohhh, girl…I think he’s former military!

(Later that night, I told Gerald I didn’t like him like that. He was crushed.)

The dancers were excellent!

The evening view from my deck did NOT suck.

My fruit plate stowaway, Percy. He was charming AND handsome.

A later evening update: Brandon at the front desk was so terribly patient. I begged him to come and get my fruit plate. Mind you, it’s a good 10 minute walk down a couple of long piers to get to my room. It seems that my arrival fruit plate (which I wrapped back up in cellophane, not knowing) contained a surprise. A white lizard…I called him Percy. Poor Brandon appeased me and took the plate to set Percy free on land. Yep. Brandon definitely thought I was kookoo bananas and poor Percy probably got a swift kick into the water as soon as he left my room.

Morning coffee table fish feeding time starts now!

On the agenda today: a lagoon tour and snorkeling excursion with Patrick Tairua, the owner of Maohi Nui and a Polynesian luncheon feast on his family motu. I just learned that a motu is a private island and I’m very excited. And, I’m not entirely against a good snorkeling…so, whee!

Heading out on Patrick’s outrigger for adventure time!

This is the hunky Polynesian Patrick. He’s an awesome bad ass. And, a gentleman. He played the ukulele and sang super sweet islandy stuff to us.

Swimming with sharks in ridiculously blue water…

This is me being felt up by a particularly randy sting ray. Don’t worry, I made him buy me dinner first.

This bird was a little on the smug side with his living in paradise and cruising along the ocean on an outrigger without a care in the world attitude.

Time to stop at Patrick’s family motu for lunch! Our table sat in the crystal clear waters of the lagoon. 🙂

Oh, don’t mind us…we just get to sit on our asses in the lagoon while we wait for lunch to be served.

Time to unveil the unbelievable lunch feast that Patrick’s nieces and nephews cooked for us!

Oooooohhhhhh!

Suckling pig, chicken and taro, bread fruit, tapioca root, plantains, pumpkin vanilla poi…it smelled soooo good!

Fresh pineapple (like none you’ve ever had), pumpkin vanilla poi (not like Hawaiian poi at all – I could have eaten the whole tray), poisson cru (a killer raw fish salad with coconut milk that I ate EVERY DAY), chicken & taro and suckling pig. All served on palm frond and taro leaf plates. Holy crap, that food was delicious!

These nifty little buggers swam around our legs while we had lunch. We got to feed them leftovers when we were finished. Fishes love pork fat.

This man right here is the fricken’ bomb diggity. You MUST meet him.

He also has cool tattoos and wears a thong sarong. Woot!

Patrick and his grandniece. Damn, she was cute!

This little man was sacked OUT! He must have worked hard on our lunch.

Back to the resort to hang by the pool. Life is rough.

Time for more food. And, more flowers!

A night view from the beach to end our day…

The resort just sent me four neato vials of different Tahitian wines and a vial of Tahitian sand. I shall do my best to not mix them up when throwing back a vial or two.

I hope you’re still enjoying the Bora Bora journey…please head on over to Bora Bora – part three of four!

Bora Bora – part one of four

Posted on August 5, 2013 by dorktasticadventures

I was given the unbelievably fortunate opportunity to attend a FAM (familiarization trip) with a great group of event managers to Bora Bora. Our crazy awesome adventure was hosted by the outstanding Bora Bora Pearl Beach Resort & Spa, The Leading Hotels of the World and Air Tahiti Nui Airlines.

Because I took SO MANY pictures, I’ll be splitting this trip into four separate posts over the next few weeks.

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

This is where Bora Bora is on the planet…kinda sorta between Los Angeles and Sydney.

To get to Bora Bora, you need to fly into Papeete Airport in Tahiti first. From Los Angeles, that’ll take roughly 8.5 hours. From Sydney, that’ll take roughly 8 hours. Once you reach Tahiti, you’ll either need to stay overnight (if your flight arrives in the evening) and fly to Bora Bora the next morning, or…if you take a red-eye flight and arrive in Tahiti in the morning, you can fly straight to Bora Bora that same day.

We flew into Tahiti from Los Angeles on the outstanding Air Tahiti Nui Airlines. Upon boarding the plane, all passengers were given a beautiful Tiare flower, native to French Polynesia. It smelled amazing and I may have sniffed it frequently for the next 8.5 hours…

Once in Tahiti, we stayed for a quick overnight at the Bora Bora Pearl Beach Resort & Spa’s sister property, the Manava Suite Resort Tahiti.

The view from a suite at the Manava…overlooking the infinity pool and the amazing water.

These are party houseboats…just move them wherever the party needs to be. How cool is that??

Heh. They said douche.

The swim-up infinity pool. Somebody make me a drink, dammit!

Now, to the Tahiti Faa’a International Airport for our flight to Bora Bora!

French condom machine…seems classier somehow.

Almost to Bora Bora! Squeeee!

Best deplaning experience ever. Even the airport has a killer view!

This is the public bathroom at the Bora Bora airport…fresh flowers everywhere. I really need to step up my bathroom decor!

They picked us up at the airport in a boat and gave me a ginormous coconut to drink…woot!

A little music for the ride…as the handsome General Manager of our resort looks on. He greeted us at the airport like we were fancy or something!

We headed to the Bora Bora Pearl Beach Resort & Spa, located on Moto Tevairoa, a mere 10 minute boat ride from the airport!

.Almost there!!

The Bora Bora Pearl Beach Resort & Spa is a part of The Leading Hotels of the World collection and it’s truly stunning!

THIS WAS MY ROOM, PEOPLE. Whaaat?

(this is classified as one of their Overwater Bungalows)

The interior was silly awesome too. Wonderful island music playing…ahhh.

LOOK AT MY BED. JUST LOOK AT IT. Fresh flowers everywhere!

You can’t see it, but there’s water under those glass panels…so’s I could watch the fish while I brushed my teeth, obviously.

My friggin’ coffee table had a coral nursery under it. Doesn’t everyone’s?

And, my room key was an actual key…with an abalone shell attached to the chain. I loved it.

Yes. It’s a fish feeding retractable coffee table. Whaat??

My deck was ridonkulous.

My shower for washing off salt water from lagoon excursions off of my deck. Like I do.

Just step right down into the 4′ deep water to check out the coral nursery and tons of fish!

The first of many, many tropical beverages decorated with many, many fresh flowers. 🙂

I hope you’re enjoying the Bora Bora journey so far…please head on over to Bora Bora – part two of four!

Dorktastic Adventures

My weird and wonderful world of travel

Tag Archives: snorkel

Bora Bora – part three of four

Bora Bora – part two of four

Bora Bora – part one of four