Cancun and the Mayan Riviera – part three of five

More with the Cancun and the Mayan Riviera! 🙂

If you missed part two, head on over to Cancun and the Mayan Riviera – part two of five!

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Today, we start with breakfast and a site visit at the lovely Fairmont Mayakoba

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fairmont mayakoba 2Breakfast includes strawberry watermelon juice, Mexican hot chocolate and caramel bread pudding. Kids, sugar is bad…m’kay?
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fairmont mayakoba 1

This place is awfully pretty.

And, it reminds me that I need to hire some rowboat dudes to clean my moat!

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fairmont mayakoba 3Ahhh…this scene would be so much more complete with a frosty beverage and a cabana boy…

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fairmont mayakoba 4Everyone needs a dock next to their pool…for boat launches and stuff.

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fairmont mayakoba 7Ummm…this suite is two stories AND it has a hot tub on the roof with a view of the ocean. Who would possibly want that??

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fairmont mayakoba 8Awww…this suite only has a private pool ON THE BEACH. Such suffering!

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fairmont mayakoba 9This handsome hunk asked me out. I told him I’d think about it since he looked a little handsy.

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Learnin’ me some important Spanish on this trip…”Mi gato es un puta barata.” Baahaahaa!

* New edit: thanks to one of my awesome readers bringing an oversight to my attention, this post has now been tagged with the words “puta barata”. Because we’re classy like that.

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After a brief rest back at Banyan Tree, we’re off to a secret dinner location!

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rio secreto 1Ooohhh…this trail looks promising and super friggin’ beautiful!

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rio secreto 2A Mayan priest and an altar for blessing us before we enter a cave…this is getting interesting!

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rio secreto 4Heading down candlelit steps…

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rio secreto 6Ummm…whaaat??

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rio secreto 18Holy underground, Batman! Welcome to the amazingly stunning Rio Secreto!

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rio secreto 5Look! They provided me with dates!

Their names were Bob and Stan, I’m pretty sure.

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rio secreto 14Yes…of course this happened.

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rio secreto 19

ARE YOU FRIGGIN’ KIDDING ME?? This was our dinner location. The ridiculously awesome Tropical Incentives DMC hauled everything down there for us. Full bar, buffet dinner, flippin’ ginormous candelabras, colored lights everywhere, a band and a fricken’ Mexican Michael Buble to serenade us. It was beyond unbelievable!

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After that once-in-a-lifetime dinner, I need to rest…

banyan tree 28…right after I drink all of these tequilas they left in my room.

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I hope you’re still enjoying the Cancun and the Mayan Riviera journey…stay tuned for part four of five!

M.

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Bora Bora – part four of four

And, now…the final chapter in our wonderous Bora Bora story!

If you missed part three, head on over to Bora Bora – part three of four!

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Important side note: the people of the French Polynesian islands are some of the most kind, genuine and grounded individuals that I’ve ever met. Their calm and giving manner is refreshing and soothing. They kinda rule hard style and you need to meet some of them. I insist.

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Today, we’re gonna learn some Polynesian crafts…like many ways to to tie the pareos (Tahitian sarongs) they gave us, stuff with coconuts (karate chop!), how to make flower crowns and basket weaving. I’ma ask ’em if we can learn the basket weaving underwater…so, I can feel like I’m back in college with an undeclared major and my dad is giving me a hard time.

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pearl beach 27Time to learn how to tie a pareo (sarong)!

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pearl beach 28Now, we learn how to weave a purse. Mine started out well…

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pearl beach 29Still looking good…

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pearl beach 30Crap. What in the hell happened?? Abort operation! Abort! Abort!

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pearl beach 31Oh, thank goodness. Our awesome instructor, Alicia, came over and saved me from imminent disaster. Here’s my sporty new purse! (that I totally didn’t make)

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pearl beach 32Anyone want to try peeling a coconut? Meee! Meee!

(Let’s just say that I did NOT excel at this task)

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pearl beach 33Drinkin’ out of a coconut…all Gilligan’s Island style and stuff.

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pearl beach 34Now, we observe the makin’ of the coconut milk with sheer brute strength…swoon!

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pearl beach 35These lovely ladies were so patient…now, they’re teaching us how to make flower crowns!

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pearl beach 36Off to a slightly pitiful start…

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pearl beach 37I just shoved it in my hair and hoped for the best.

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At this point…let’s flash back to my mention in part two about the spa having a Polynesian dude tattoo artist on staff. Guess who decided to get a tattoo, y’all??

My memory of the experience:

Listening to an island cover of Air Supply’s ‘Making Love Out of Nothing at All’ while laying on a table getting tattooed by a hot Polynesian dude at a spa with a koi fish lagoon outside the window is beyond nuts. Once again, my life is ridiculous.

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tuhei and mTuhei, my super cute tattoo artist, did an awesome job on my new tiare flower. The fact that he was probably no older than 22 and didn’t speak much English just made him even more adorable.

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Now, for our evening plans…

Being picked up by a private boat for a ‘surprise’ farewell reception and dinner off-property…I can’t wait to see what this business is all about.

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closing night 1

Holy crap on a stick. This was our fricken’ ride.

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closing night 2

Heading off to the surprise location on a killer catamaran…

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closing night 4Our wonderful hostess on the catamaran…she made us cookies and breads and fruity tropical beverages. And fruit. With flowers. I wanted to take her home with me.

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boat rideThen, she taught us cool stuff about the island. It was awesome!

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closing night 5Rainbow. Because this place isn’t quite delightful enough already.

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closing night 6Our chariot…picking us up from the catamaran for our evening adventure!

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closing night 7THIS is our dinner location. A private bloody island. Dang!

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closing night 8Our ride…he was hilarious and knew how to blow a mean conch shell.

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closing night 9This is a horrible picture, but the gentlemen and ladies were all waiting on the dock for our arrival!

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closing night 10Ahhh…sunset through the trees on the island.

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closing night 11Our chef was so flippin’ funny!

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m and patrickI totally took a picture with the Big Kahuna of Bora Bora.

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closing night 13Time for some traditional Polynesian dancing. There was much grunting and stomping.

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closing night 14Tahitian lady dancers…so pretty!

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closing night 15Now, for the ‘remove your pareo and swing it around’ song. Butts! 🙂

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closing night 16Coconut bra time!

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closing night 17My dinner was ridonkulous.

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closing night 18Fire dancing time!! Eeeeeee!!

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closing night 19Wheeee! Fire!!

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closing night 20More fire and spinning and wheee!!

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closing night 21This one was a crazy formation of legs wrapped around other legs…it scared the crap out of me!

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closing night 22Another terrible picture, but they were so amazing!

Oh, and that black mark on Patrick’s stomach? THAT’S WHERE A TORCH OF FIRE FELL ON HIS BELLY. No big whoop.

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My evening summary went a little something like this:

Brace yourself. Transported via private catamaran to a private motu (island), treated to a feast, boogied with Tahitian dancers in coconut bras (them, not us) and witnessed the coolest fire dancing show ever. Flaming batons thrown by hunky Polynesian dudes – check. Our host was Patrick, from two days ago. I paid no mind to his traditional banana hammock thong & tattooed butt cheeks situation, because that’s totally inappropriate and I would never do something like that.

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Only one slight ‘issue’ with my trip…

bora 7a

Apparently, Bora Bora bugs dig mostly just me. This is just a portion of the real estate they’ve taken over. The others in my group have maybe 20% of what I’ve got…just lucky, I guess! STILL TOTALLY WORTH IT.

Oh, and bring lots of mosquito repellent!!

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We’re supposed to depart Bora Bora today, but I think I’ll opt out. The resort won’t mind if I just live in my hut. Although, the new guests might get annoyed when that weird lady keeps yelling, “Hey, you two! Quit all that humpin’! I’m trying to sleep!”

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patrick at tahiti airport My last sight before leaving these amazing islands…Patrick, himself, in a French Polynesia tourism ad. He’s such a rock star, it’s just silly.

Goodbye Patrick and Bora Bora!!

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So, here’s what I gathered from this once-in-a-lifetime trip: visiting Bora Bora is something everyone absolutely MUST do before they die. It’s an unparalleled experience that cannot be missed. Going there won’t be cheap, but holy guacamole…it’ll be an expedition filled with wonderful people, stunning scenery and outstanding exploration that you will cherish forever!!

And, one more thing: if you do plan on visiting the crazy phenomenal Bora Bora, you definitely won’t go wrong with Air Tahiti Nui, Bora Bora Pearl Beach Resort & Spa, Patrick with Maohi Nui and Christophe with Reef Discovery Bora Bora. They were all stellar!

I do hope you enjoyed our journey to Bora Bora, and if you have any questions, please do comment or message me! I’m happy to blab even more about my mind-blowing trip, if I can be of any help to you.

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Thank you so much for joining me and I look forward to our next adventure together!

M.
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Bora Bora – part two of four

How about more crazy wonderful Bora Bora?

If you missed part one, head on over to Bora Bora – part one of four!

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pearl beach 8This is the lagoon that surrounds the resort’s amazing Manea Spa.

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pearl beach 9This is an outdoor dual treatment area for water massages. I’ve never had an interest in being massaged by water until I saw this. Because…awesome.

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The spa also has a Polynesian dude tattoo artist on staff! Hmmm…I might have to do something with this information…

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pearl beach 14Time for dinner in Tevairoa Restaurant and a great Polynesian dance show. I need to have one of these in my living room every night!

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pearl beach 15My delightful dining companion. I call him Gerald. Ooohhh, girl…I think he’s former military!

(Later that night, I told Gerald I didn’t like him like that. He was crushed.)

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dancersThe dancers were excellent!

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pearl beach 16The evening view from my deck did NOT suck.

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pearl beach 17My fruit plate stowaway, Percy. He was charming AND handsome.

A later evening update: Brandon at the front desk was so terribly patient. I begged him to come and get my fruit plate. Mind you, it’s a good 10 minute walk down a couple of long piers to get to my room. It seems that my arrival fruit plate (which I wrapped back up in cellophane, not knowing) contained a surprise. A white lizard…I called him Percy. Poor Brandon appeased me and took the plate to set Percy free on land. Yep. Brandon definitely thought I was kookoo bananas and poor Percy probably got a swift kick into the water as soon as he left my room.

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pearl beach 18

Morning coffee table fish feeding time starts now!

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On the agenda today: a lagoon tour and snorkeling excursion with Patrick Tairua, the owner of Maohi Nui and a Polynesian luncheon feast on his family motu. I just learned that a motu is a private island and I’m very excited. And, I’m not entirely against a good snorkeling…so, whee!

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patrick's tour 1Heading out on Patrick’s outrigger for adventure time!

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patrick's tour 2This is the hunky Polynesian Patrick. He’s an awesome bad ass. And, a gentleman. He played the ukulele and sang super sweet islandy stuff to us.

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patrick's tour 3Swimming with sharks in ridiculously blue water…

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patrick's tour 5This is me being felt up by a particularly randy sting ray. Don’t worry, I made him buy me dinner first.

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patrick's tour 6This bird was a little on the smug side with his living in paradise and cruising along the ocean on an outrigger without a care in the world attitude.

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patrick's tour 10

Time to stop at Patrick’s family motu for lunch! Our table sat in the crystal clear waters of the lagoon. 🙂

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patrick's tour 11

Oh, don’t mind us…we just get to sit on our asses in the lagoon while we wait for lunch to be served.

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patrick's tour 7Time to unveil the unbelievable lunch feast that Patrick’s nieces and nephews cooked for us!

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patrick's tour 8Oooooohhhhhh!

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patrick's tour 9

Suckling pig, chicken and taro, bread fruit, tapioca root, plantains, pumpkin vanilla poi…it smelled soooo good!

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patrick's tour 12Fresh pineapple (like none you’ve ever had), pumpkin vanilla poi (not like Hawaiian poi at all – I could have eaten the whole tray), poisson cru (a killer raw fish salad with coconut milk that I ate EVERY DAY), chicken & taro and suckling pig. All served on palm frond and taro leaf plates. Holy crap, that food was delicious!

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patrick's tour 13These nifty little buggers swam around our legs while we had lunch. We got to feed them leftovers when we were finished. Fishes love pork fat.

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patrick and m 1This man right here is the fricken’ bomb diggity. You MUST meet him.

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patrick's tour 14He also has cool tattoos and wears a thong sarong. Woot!

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patrick and his niecePatrick and his grandniece. Damn, she was cute!

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patrick's tour 15This little man was sacked OUT! He must have worked hard on our lunch.

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pearl beach 19Back to the resort to hang by the pool. Life is rough.

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pearl beach 20Time for more food. And, more flowers!

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pearl beach 21A night view from the beach to end our day…

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bora 4a

The resort just sent me four neato vials of different Tahitian wines and a vial of Tahitian sand. I shall do my best to not mix them up when throwing back a vial or two.

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I hope you’re still enjoying the Bora Bora journey…please head on over to Bora Bora – part three of four!

M.

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