Cancun and the Mayan Riviera – part three of five

More with the Cancun and the Mayan Riviera! 🙂

If you missed part two, head on over to Cancun and the Mayan Riviera – part two of five!

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Today, we start with breakfast and a site visit at the lovely Fairmont Mayakoba

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fairmont mayakoba 2Breakfast includes strawberry watermelon juice, Mexican hot chocolate and caramel bread pudding. Kids, sugar is bad…m’kay?
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This place is awfully pretty.

And, it reminds me that I need to hire some rowboat dudes to clean my moat!

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fairmont mayakoba 3Ahhh…this scene would be so much more complete with a frosty beverage and a cabana boy…

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fairmont mayakoba 4Everyone needs a dock next to their pool…for boat launches and stuff.

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fairmont mayakoba 7Ummm…this suite is two stories AND it has a hot tub on the roof with a view of the ocean. Who would possibly want that??

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fairmont mayakoba 8Awww…this suite only has a private pool ON THE BEACH. Such suffering!

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fairmont mayakoba 9This handsome hunk asked me out. I told him I’d think about it since he looked a little handsy.

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Learnin’ me some important Spanish on this trip…”Mi gato es un puta barata.” Baahaahaa!

* New edit: thanks to one of my awesome readers bringing an oversight to my attention, this post has now been tagged with the words “puta barata”. Because we’re classy like that.

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After a brief rest back at Banyan Tree, we’re off to a secret dinner location!

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rio secreto 1Ooohhh…this trail looks promising and super friggin’ beautiful!

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rio secreto 2A Mayan priest and an altar for blessing us before we enter a cave…this is getting interesting!

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rio secreto 4Heading down candlelit steps…

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rio secreto 6Ummm…whaaat??

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rio secreto 18Holy underground, Batman! Welcome to the amazingly stunning Rio Secreto!

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rio secreto 5Look! They provided me with dates!

Their names were Bob and Stan, I’m pretty sure.

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rio secreto 14Yes…of course this happened.

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ARE YOU FRIGGIN’ KIDDING ME?? This was our dinner location. The ridiculously awesome Tropical Incentives DMC hauled everything down there for us. Full bar, buffet dinner, flippin’ ginormous candelabras, colored lights everywhere, a band and a fricken’ Mexican Michael Buble to serenade us. It was beyond unbelievable!

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After that once-in-a-lifetime dinner, I need to rest…

banyan tree 28…right after I drink all of these tequilas they left in my room.

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I hope you’re still enjoying the Cancun and the Mayan Riviera journey…stay tuned for part four of five!

M.

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Cancun and the Mayan Riviera – part two of five

How about some more super cool Cancun and Mayan Riviera action with our wonderful hosts, Tropical Incentives DMC (Destination Management Company)?

If you missed part one, head on over to Cancun and the Mayan Riviera – part one of five!

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First on the agenda…breakfast and a site tour of our wonderful host property, Banyan Tree Mayakoba!

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I will destroy it all with my face.

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Our waiter just asked if my hot chocolate was warm enough…would I like him to heat it up? No, but will you come home to live with me and ask me that daily, please?

‘Grandma’s Hot Chocolate’ is the bombski, BTW.

Get here immediately and drink at least a gallon.

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This boardroom has an entire wall filled with wine. How does any work ever get done in here, people??

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Even the corridors to the meeting space are all striking and majestic, dammit.

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Couples massage room – check. All massages begin with a 20 minute Thai foot washing ritual. I tried it. It was friggin’ outstanding.

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They’re taking us down to check out the Beach Club. In a boat. Dang.

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This is my new iguana boyfriend. I call him Eduardo. He likes to hang out on rocks and act like a bad ass.

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In case you were wondering…cruising lagoons through mangrove trees in a beautiful boat while your captain gives you a guided tour…it does not suck.

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Time to check out some killer suites that sit on the beach. I suppose this private pool will have to do.

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I found out after I tried to climb in and pop the champagne that this was only for display. Our salesperson/guide did not appreciate by particular appreciation of their fancy-pants romantical setup.

I decided that, at the very least, I deserved one of those chocolate covered strawberries for the mental trauma they inflicted on me by not flying Ryan Reynolds in to “appreciate” it with me.

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Now, over to Barcelo Costa Cancun for a fun team building activity and lunch!

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barcelo 1

That ocean was warm and delightful. And, a whole dollar came floating up to me while I was splashing around out there. Hot diggity doo!

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Say hello to my new girlfriend, Zelda. She’s stacked.

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So, we did a goofy team building activity that culminated in us being surprised by a group of homeless children who attend a wonderful school near here. We gave them buckets of toys and they were unbelievably adorable and so sweet. The little girl I handed my toys to was at the back and she was being overlooked. She handed me this candy with an attached note card she made herself. Anyone who has EVER gotten a note or card from me knows that this exact happy face follows my name when I sign things. I thought that coincidence was kind of amazing. And, it made me blubber like an idiot.

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Back to the resort for a little rest before another action-packed day…

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Man! The walk-in closet in my room is stocked with all the essentials! Bug spray…candle…matches…and a discrete, yet adorable, bag containing one ladybidness pad and a condom. If I’d also found emergency cake in there, I would have married that damn closet.

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I hope you’re still enjoying the Cancun and the Mayan Riviera journey…please head on over to Cancun and the Mayan Riviera – part three of five!

M.

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