Cancun and the Mayan Riviera – part three of five

More with the Cancun and the Mayan Riviera! 🙂

If you missed part two, head on over to Cancun and the Mayan Riviera – part two of five!

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Today, we start with breakfast and a site visit at the lovely Fairmont Mayakoba

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fairmont mayakoba 2Breakfast includes strawberry watermelon juice, Mexican hot chocolate and caramel bread pudding. Kids, sugar is bad…m’kay?
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fairmont mayakoba 1

This place is awfully pretty.

And, it reminds me that I need to hire some rowboat dudes to clean my moat!

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fairmont mayakoba 3Ahhh…this scene would be so much more complete with a frosty beverage and a cabana boy…

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fairmont mayakoba 4Everyone needs a dock next to their pool…for boat launches and stuff.

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fairmont mayakoba 7Ummm…this suite is two stories AND it has a hot tub on the roof with a view of the ocean. Who would possibly want that??

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fairmont mayakoba 8Awww…this suite only has a private pool ON THE BEACH. Such suffering!

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fairmont mayakoba 9This handsome hunk asked me out. I told him I’d think about it since he looked a little handsy.

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Learnin’ me some important Spanish on this trip…”Mi gato es un puta barata.” Baahaahaa!

* New edit: thanks to one of my awesome readers bringing an oversight to my attention, this post has now been tagged with the words “puta barata”. Because we’re classy like that.

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After a brief rest back at Banyan Tree, we’re off to a secret dinner location!

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rio secreto 1Ooohhh…this trail looks promising and super friggin’ beautiful!

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rio secreto 2A Mayan priest and an altar for blessing us before we enter a cave…this is getting interesting!

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rio secreto 4Heading down candlelit steps…

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rio secreto 6Ummm…whaaat??

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rio secreto 18Holy underground, Batman! Welcome to the amazingly stunning Rio Secreto!

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rio secreto 5Look! They provided me with dates!

Their names were Bob and Stan, I’m pretty sure.

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rio secreto 14Yes…of course this happened.

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rio secreto 19

ARE YOU FRIGGIN’ KIDDING ME?? This was our dinner location. The ridiculously awesome Tropical Incentives DMC hauled everything down there for us. Full bar, buffet dinner, flippin’ ginormous candelabras, colored lights everywhere, a band and a fricken’ Mexican Michael Buble to serenade us. It was beyond unbelievable!

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After that once-in-a-lifetime dinner, I need to rest…

banyan tree 28…right after I drink all of these tequilas they left in my room.

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I hope you’re still enjoying the Cancun and the Mayan Riviera journey…stay tuned for part four of five!

M.

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Randoms

A few things that caught my attention…

random 1aStripper art. My new passion.

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random 14a

Get yer hides on over to DFW Airport ASAP to scoop up these gems, people! For only $11.99 each, you can pick up creepy friggin’ talking fruit with human faces…provide the kids with night terrors for years to come!

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random 15aDrunk octopus wants to fight you, dammit.

(Nope…this one NEVER gets old)

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random 30a

The perfect stocking stuffer for all of the adults on your Christmas list…it’s not just for diarrhea, folks!

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random 18aMarketing Genius: “I know!! Let’s make the tequila pink AND the bottle can double as a sex toy! You’re welcome, Ladies.”

*expectantly waits for marketing awards to start pouring in*

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Yep…this post has been tagged with the words “stripper”, “diarrhea” and “sex toy”. So proud!

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Have an excellent Labor Day weekend, y’all! 🙂

M.

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